Published September 22, 2009
Every day in the street there is a fuss,
All people hurry to some place.
When the sun begins to rise,
They all run, breaking all on their ways.
They look not at world, surrounding them,
But at the clock.
There is only their Within.
Which is always locked.
Chorus:
What if we break all the bolts,
We'll see a lot of sadness and joys,
We'll see new sides of the world,
We'll hear the things, we haven't heard.
Someone lives and think: ''Clock are useless'',
Someone has fun every day,
Someone has never taken scales,
He goes by Crowd's way.
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140,830 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
klass!!! Horosho!!!
Sorry but my keayboard does not rite in Russian and I am more American then Russian so I am more use to writing in english. But it was very good, excellent! But it was too short....
Private please!
Yes, I can. How it will be better for you: with ICQ or private message?
Can you send me the Russian version?
Hmm... Hawkie, thank you for your words about the grammar. Our teacher at school is not very good and that's why I should learn english grammar not only at school.
You don't understand the last verse. I'll explain: there is the ''golden middle''. I say in this song, that people should ''breake the bolts'', but sometimes we should look at the clock. Anyway, thank you for correcting grammar:)
Lordglusman, this song is about our crazy life... May be, it is difficult to understand it in english, but people, who read it in russian understand it.
I totally agree with Hawkie about the grammar. I also think this song was to short and I did not understand the theme of the song as well. I am sorry if I am to harsh on you, but you should do another song. But hey I am part Russian! Pretty interesting that there is someone here that has same traditions and cultures I do.
Hi! I liked your song; it's pretty cool! ^^
A few things, however:
For some reason I don't like the word "fuss" here too much. It seems a bit out of the flow. You're talking about the street; "fuss" makes me think of a silly, fussy old lady, who tend to stay indoors. I'd use a different word.
This isn't gramatically correct. How can you break on your way? I'd change it to "heading off their seperate ways," or something to that effect.
Should be "the world," not just "world," which isn't a proper noun.
This is very short compared to the other lines - it disrupts the flow.
Huh . . . what? Sorry, but this line makes completely no sense. And why is "within" capitalized?
You don't need a comma here.
This is - confusing. Are you praising carefree living, or saying that it's bad? I agree that it's good to "break the bolts" and live free, but you can't forget all responsibility, either. Of course, this is your song and it's not up to me to decide what the message is, but whatever it is, it needs to be a bit more clear.
You have some neat ideas here. Keep writing!
-Hawks-